Tips

The Boy: Off to get a haircut? Just remember, they'll say anything to get a fatter tip! Don't believe them!

Me: I know that!

I got a haircut last Saturday at a local hair salon. I like going there because it's cheap and really close to my apartment. Another perk to this place is that the hair washing usually comes with a luxurious 5 minute head and neck massage. The massage is the best part! I could just blissfully fall asleep on the chair as the washer massages my head.

But, they have this weird division of labor separating hair washers from hair cutters. It makes the tipping confusing because I don't know whether I'm supposed to tip the hair washer separately, or if the teams have tip splitting deals, as the Boy once suggested. After all, I've never seen a customer tip the hair washer, and it would seem a little awkward reaching into your purse with your hair dripping as the hair washer holds the towel on your head while walking you over to the hair cutter.

I walked into the salon, and the hostess (always friendly) sat me down into the hair washing chair. Immediately, an Asian lady came running over to wash my hair. A minute into the washing, she decided to start some small talk and asked "Where are you from?" I hesitated for a moment. I didn't know what to say. I knew the answer she was looking for, but she asked the wrong question. Normally, when I get this question, I answer "LA" or "from around here" which usually puts people off. I'm not trying to be a smartass; it's just that the answer they're looking for is technically a lie. How can I say I'm from a country that I've never set foot in?

But because the hair washer hadn't given me the scalp and neck massage yet, I didn't want to piss her off.

Me (timidly): I'm from around here.
Hair Washer: What? Sorry, I didn't catch that.
Me(still timid): Umm...here. I live close by.

The hair washer gave me one of those dissatisfied looks. Fearing that she was about to jip me of a massage in order to get her hands off my haughty American head sooner (after all, their tips are probably split, and the head massages are not advertised), I quickly added, "But my parents are from China."

Hair Washer (flashing a smile): Ahh, China! Where in China? Do you speak Cantonese or Mandarin?

Conversation continues, and the massage begins. I told her that my parents came from Southern China, that I understand Cantonese, and that most of my family is in the US. I always feel compelled to ask people questions about themselves if they ask me first. I feel rude not showing any interest at all in their lives if they've shown some in mine. So, I asked where she was from.

Hair Washer: I'm Chinese, but from Indonesia. You're so lucky that your family is here. I'm here all by myself. After the Indonesian Revolution, all Chinese people fled. They were looting the businesses and killing Chinese. The Indonesians hate Chinese. My brothers and sisters, we had to go wherever we could. I came to New York, my sister went to Amsterdam, my brother to Singapore, and another brother to Malaysia.

Ohh, the poor woman! Separated from her family, and made to wash hair all day long?! I'll slip her a little extra tip.

With that, she wrapped my head up in a towel and led me to the hair cutting chair. A cheery, Russian-sounding lady came to greet me and asked what I wanted. She was enthusiastic about everything! Two inches off, please. Wonderful!! I hate people that ask me to take off 1/16 of an inch. Good girl! How about some long layers? Brilliant! Long layers would be great! And then she began snipping away, cheerily chatting with me the whole time. About halfway through, she exclaimed in a voice reminiscent of Invana Trump, "Your hair-it's so wonderful to cut. It cuts like, like- it cuts like butter!" I had to snicker at this, but the flattery and sob stories did get to me.

By the time I'd left, the tips I handed out amounted to 35% of the hair cut price.

Sunday Church

The Boy used to be a regular church goer. I'm not sure what caused him to stop going, but I remember it happened a little before we started dating. And then all of a sudden a little more than a week ago, the Boy asked if I would check out a local church with him on Sunday.

I wasn't raised Christian and had only been to church a handful of times in the past. Aside from the first time in preschool when my cousins from Texas (avid Christians still to this day) visited, all of my church experiences have been disastrous. Knowing this, I was fully supportive of going to church with him on Sunday, but reminded him that I was trusting his judgement.

The Boy wanted to attend the evening session at 6PM. A little beforehand, I changed into a nice, below-the-knee pink skirt and white top, while the Boy paired khaki slacks with a button down shirt and combed his hair neatly to the side. As a final touch, the Boy grabbed a bible, ironically, the one given to me by a former friend in a cult.

We walked down the street and over a couple of blocks to the Episcopalian(?) church. The church was probably under construction, as we sat in what looked like a classroom with 30-40 fold out chairs lined in a square on 3 sides. There were about 25 people in attendance, at least half of them my mom's age of various ethnicities (multicultural's good). Aside from the pastor, the Boy was the only other attendee carrying a Bible. All of the relevant verses for this session were printed out in a newsletter for everyone's convenience.

Most of the session consisted of singing church songs and then reading a few verses in between. I wasn't too familiar with most of the tunes, but tried to sing along. I found it quite charming that the Boy knew the words to most of the songs and sang loud enough for me to hear everything. I had a hard time following some of the readings because it was all new to me, and the pastor didn't explain much of what anything meant. Somewhere in the middle of the session, the pastor said a prayer for peace around the world and then instructed everyone to shake hands with everyone else and say "peace." So for about five minutes, everyone walked around the room, shaking everyone else's hand amid constant murmurs of "peace." Then we went back to singing songs.

In the last 15 minutes of church, the pastor asked everyone to get up and form a semi-circle around a table where he stood with bread, two large ceramic goblets, and a flask. It just happened that we caught a session where they were going to break bread. I watched as he took the bread out of its plastic wrapping and started to rip off little pieces until there was enough for everyone. Next, I was expecting him to break out the little shot-sized plastic cups to fill with grape juice. But instead, he began emptying the flask into the two ceramic goblets.

What?! All 25 of us are going to share 2 communal goblets?! But I don't even know any of your names! None of you knows my name! How do you know I don't have mono?

The pastor took the first sip out of one of the goblets, and then the two helpers took their sips. The pastor then went around the circle, placing a piece of bread in each person's hand while blessing it. His helpers followed, holding the goblets up to each person's mouth to take a sip. I looked over at the Boy to see how calm he was about sharing a cup with a bunch of strangers. He avoided eye contact, and now one of the helpers was approaching me with a goblet that about ten people had sipped out of. The helper looked confused about what to do, as I stood there frozen, not having eaten my bread.

Just put your lips on the goblet, but don't drink.

With that, I popped the bread into my mouth, chewed and put my lips onto the goblet. It was then that I had one of those moments where your brain decides to completely ignore your will. My lips parted slightly, and I tasted not grape juice, but some intensely strong, syrupy alcoholic beverage.

This isn't grape juice! It tastes like mead. At least I'm not at the end of the line.

As the pastor said his prayer for breaking bread, I silently prayed for the sound health of everyone in attendance.

Church ended about 5 minutes later. I was curious to know what the Boy thought and if we would be going back. I knew when he grabbed my hand, said a brief, but friendly "hello" to the pastor and then bolted out of there, dragging me along.

Adventures in Tribeca

Last Saturday, the Boy and I decided to check out Tribeca. The Boy always thought it would be cool to live in a loft down there, and I thought it would be extremely cool to have a 10 minute commute to work.

It was well before noon when we exited Canal street off the C train and headed in the direction of Chambers street. First stop was Bouley's bakery shop/restaurant right across the street from Bouley where we shared a yummy soft shell crab sandwich and a buttery croissant under an umbrellaed table along the sidewalk. It would have been great for people watching if there were any people around to watch. Tribeca felt a lot different from our Upper East Side neighborhood. It's a lot more industrial looking, and things are more spread out. Compared to other places in Manhattan, it seemed relatively dead on the weekend. Personally, I like living in a livelier, more neighborhood-like environment.

Next, we sought out to find a famous soda shop to try an egg cream. The Boy watches a lot of FoodNetwork and explained to me that egg cream is a very New York drink. It was popular during the Great Depression when people couldn't afford a lot. It's made with a little bit of milk, combined with a bit of chocolate syrup and then sprayed full of seltzer water. The top is foamed up a bit so that it looks like egg foam. This was to fool people into believing that they were getting a nutritious drink with milk and egg, when in reality there was no egg and very little milk.

The soda shop looked just like what I imagined an old-time soda place would look like. There was a wooden bar operated by a soda jerk, and nostalgic candies to be sold in a dimly lit shop with wooden tables and seats. The Boy and I walked right up to the bar and ordered an egg cream. We wanted to see how the drink was made. We were expecting a lot of mixing and fancy foaming machines, but instead saw the soda jerk pour in a couple of tablespoons of milk, squeeze a few squirts from bottle of chocolate syrup (like Hershey's), spray in seltzer water and then mix the top a bit to create a little foam. That was it?! This is what the Boy's coworkers and the FoodNetwork raved about?

The Boy and I each took sips as we walked out, telling eachother that it was "not bad." We kept passing the drink back and forth as we walked around Tribeca until we couldn't stand it anymore, and each confessed that the drink was actually quite gross. Blech! Disgusting! It's making me sick! We tossed it out at the nearest trash can and then headed over to Chinatown to do a quick grocery run before going home.

I think we'll stay in the Upper East Side.

The First One

A close friend of mine got married in Reno last Saturday. I, along with three other girls, was a bridesmaid. She's the first in our group to go, which is why this wedding was so special.

Our girl group formed during our last year of high school. We all grew up together, knew eachother on and off, and hung around different crowds throughout intermediate school and high school. Then, in the last year before most of us would head off to different colleges, we became sisters. It's funny how afterwards, we became closer, always met up during breaks and visited eachother at our different schools throughout college. When college ended, and we eventually went our own separate ways (one off to Nor. Cal and Reno, one off to Paris, me off to NY, and the other two in various So. Cal places), time always stood still for our friendship. On the rare occasions where we were all together again, we'd pick up right where we'd left off.

The day of the wedding started off bright and early at 8AM where two of the bridesmaids and I, along with the bride's mother and the sister of one of the bridesmaids, drove from the house we stayed at in Lake Tahoe to the Montreux Golf Club in Reno. We arrived at around 9AM, and had a half hour to spare before the hairstylist arrived to twist buns weaved with baby's breath into all of our heads. The morning was filled with bride and bridesmaid wedding preparations (hair, makeup, wedding scene adjustments).

By 2PM, the photographer arrived and started to take pictures as we zipped and buttoned the bride into her wedding gown. The bride looked gorgeous in her satin, strapless gown which flowed into a luxurious train studded with beads over just the right amount of poof. The final touch, a tiara, completed her transformation into a princess.

We moved over to a balcony overlooking the golf course to pose for more pictures. The weather was perfect-rain and thunder from the night before had cleared the skies and left behind cottony, white clouds against a bright blue backdrop.

By 4PM, the bride, groom and their party lined up behind the golf course to make their entrance down the isle. The bride's grandmother walked out first with the bride's brother in arm. The groom's parents followed next. And then each bridesmaid walked out with a groomsman in arm and lined up along the altar.

Finally, the bride would make her entrance. The bride took great care in ensuring that the groom would see her wedding gown for the first time only as she walked down the aisle. Arm in arm with her mother, the bride made her way down. At the first sight of his beautiful bride in her gown, the groom stood frozen in awe. Looks of admiration, happiness and love swept over the groom's face, prompting the bride to tear up halfway down the aisle.

After a very nice, 20 minute ceremony followed by a passionate kiss (officiant's orders), the bride and groom walked as husband and wife down the aisle as the guests waived streamers to see them off.

After another photo session on the golf course, we headed off to the reception under a tent overlooking the golf course where we dined on filet mignon, salmon, mashed potatoes and asparagus spears followed by a scrumptuous three layer wedding cake. The first layer was grand marnier, the second amaretto and the last chocolate hazelnut. Mmmm! Of course the bride barely got a chance to eat, as she and her new husband were busy greeting and chatting with their 130+ guests. They also changed a few times during the reception-once into traditional Korean clothing to bow and pay respects to their parents, then back into their wedding gown and tuxedo for their first dance, and then into more comfortable clothes to dance the night away.


By 11PM, the party dwindled down to a few remaining guests and the wedding party. We stayed a bit to clean up and then said our goodbyes, wishing the bride and groom a happy honeymoon before heading back to the house in Tahoe.

Fun Airplane Stories

Story #1
Background

Girl's good friend and old college roommate is getting married. Girl/Bridesmaid lives in New York, bride to be lives in Reno. Bridesmaid books ticket in order to arrive in Reno the morning before the wedding (August 4). There are no direct flights from JFK to RNO.

Scene

2:40AM (Aug. 4): Bridesmaid takes shuttle to airport to catch a 5:40AM flight going from JFK to Houston connecting on to Reno.

5:40AM: Entire plane is boarded. Either the flight crew forgot to fuel the plane the night before, or decided it was best to fuel the plane at 5:40AM when the plane should have departed. Flight crew informs everyone that they will be taking a few minutes to fuel the plane, and then depart shortly.

6:00AM: Bridesmaid is asleep on the plane which still hasn't left the gate. Bridesmaid is awakened as the man sitting next to her complains to the flight crew that he will miss his connecting flight. Bridesmaid asks the man if he is connecting to Reno. Man is connecting to Arizona, and confides that his numerous attempts to catch connections through Continental have all failed. Bridesmaid still holds out hope that everything will still run smoothly.

7:00AM: Plane still has not left the gate. They are having technical problems fueling the plane and need a mechanic. Continental does not have their own mechanic and must try to poach one off of Delta. Sensing that she's missed the only Continental flight of the day going from Houston to Reno, Bridesmaid freaks out and can't sleep anymore. Bridesmaid calls customer service to figure out alternate plans*.

7:45AM: Plane is fueled and takes off after only a two hour delay.

10:00AM: Plane arrives in Houston. Bridesmaid gets in line to receive Continental's best efforts to re-route everyone.

10:15AM: Customer service attempts to hand Bridesmaid a new ticket to fly out to Reno the next day, leaving the poor girl stranded in Houston overnight. Upon hearing that the airline's best offer would be to fly her out to Reno after the wedding is either well on its way, or worse, completely over, bridesmaid's face contorts into a nasty mix of emotions, prompting the customer service lady to withdraw the ticket before the bridesmaid can even reach out to take it. Customer service lady informs the bridesmaid that "it's too early for this" and states that she can probably get her out today, essentially warding off the dark clouds of a brewing tantrum.

10:30AM: Customer service makes the line disappear and then turns her attention to Bridesmaid. Customer service lady asks if Bridesmaid will accept a flight to Salt Lake City with a connecting flight to Reno. Elated, Bridesmaid accepts.

10:35AM: Customer service lady is having trouble securing the promised tickets, and discovers that the computer has booked the bridesmaid to fly to Salt Lake City and then to Reno for the next day. Bridesmaid's face begins to contort, and customer service lady quickly recommends trying to go through Phoenix.

10:45AM: Customer service lady books bridesmaid on an already overbooked flight to Phoenix connecting on to Reno. Bridesmaid nervously asks if her seat is confirmed and definite. Customer service lady assures Bridesmaid that her phantom seat is secured. Naive Bridesmaid is elated and goes on her way.

11:00AM: Bridesmaid is at the gate kiosk for the Phoenix flight and asks, as instructed by customer service, for "a seat to be forced through." Lady at kiosk states, "Force a seat through? This is an overbooked flight. There are no seats available. You don't have a seat. "

11:05AM: Bridesmaid begins telling sob story about missing good friend's wedding in Reno to kiosk lady who sort of cares, but not that much. Another kiosk lady tells bridesmaid to step aside. If someone happens to not show up, there will be a seat for Bridesmaid. Kiosk lady further offers $200 to anyone who will take the next flight to Phoenix. Two people need to accept in order for Bridesmaid to get on.

11:15AM: One person accepts. Bridesmaid is so nervous and distressed that she doesn't realize that the person waiting next to her is on the fence about accepting the flight bump. Person waiting next to Bridesmaid offers her a dollar in order to use her phone to contact his family(about accepting the flight bump). Generous Bridesmaid insists the person use her phone for free.

11:20AM: Bridesmaid hears phone user's conversation and realizes that he may be her ticket onto the flight. Phone user hangs up, thanks Bridesmaid without making any eye contact, and then goes up to the kiosk to inform the lady that he wishes to reclaim his ticket. He will not be accepting the flight bump. Bridesmaid wants to cry. The flight is completely boarded and should be leaving soon.

11:25AM: Kiosk lady doesn't want to completely crush Bridesmaid, so she tells her that she's still working on getting her a seat.

11:30AM: A straggler presents his ticket to board. Kiosk lady makes one last attempt to bump his flight for a $200 credit. Straggler asks if she's open to negotiate. Bridesmaid stares intently at the situation. Kiosk lady offers Straggler $400. Straggler accepts and Bridesmaid gets the last seat on the plane.

11:35AM: Overjoyed, Bridesmaid thanks Straggler profusely with a smile stretching from ear to ear. Kiosk lady prints out Bridesmaid's pass, and Bridesmaid happily trots over to ticket taker to present her pass.

11:40AM: Bridesmaid is in her seat, and on her way to Reno. Nothing can ruin her happiness.

11:55AM: Bridesmaid is munching on a pizza slice when the plane starts shaking violently. The wings are making lots of noise, and it sounds like things are falling off the plane. Bridesmaid sets down her pizza and then begins to hyperventilate, believing that the crappy Continental plane she's sitting on is going down.

12:00PM: The plane stabilizes. Bridesmaid wonders why the plane crew didn't make some sort of annoucement about turbulance at any point. Was the crew hoping that no one would notice the sonic boom/earthquake-in-the-air we just blew through? Bridesmaid later finds out that the Houston-Phoenix flight is an extremely bumpy one.

1:22PM: Bridesmaid catches flight from Phoenix to Reno.

3:10PM: Bridesmaid arrives in Reno and just makes it to the 4PM wedding rehearsal!

Deleted Scenes/Outtakes:
Entitled: Tales of Complete Stupidity

Bridesmaid (on the phone with customer service upon learning that she will miss her flight): Hello, I think I'm going to miss my connecting flight.

Customer service: What makes you think that?

Bridesmaid: I've been sitting on this runway for an hour and twenty minutes. Here's my confirmation number.

Customer service: Let me look that up. Hmm...uhhuh... You know what? I think you're going to miss your connecting flight. <--stupid comment

Bridesmaid: Can you check for me to see when the next available flight out to Reno is? I need to get to Reno sometime tonight. I'm in a wedding starting early tomorrow morning.

Customer service: You're not going to get anything from Houston to Reno today. You're going to have to fly out on the next available tomorrow.

Bridesmaid: I don't need a direct flight. I'll take any number of connections neccessary.

Customer service: Alright, I'll see if we can find other nondirect routes. <--Another stupid moment

Customer service: Hmmm...well, when you get into Houston, we have a flight you can connect onto Newark...

Uh-huh, I'm willing to bet every penny I own that I can get myself from JFK to Newark faster than your plane can get me there going through Houston.

Customer service: ...O! But that one will take you right back over to Houston. <--Does the stupidity ever stop?

Story #2
Background
Bridesmaid's good friend has successfully gotten married and thrown a wonderful wedding party. She is now Mrs. Bride and set to go on her honeymoon with Mr. Bride to Tahiti early the next morning. 2 bridesmaids and another wedding guest/friend are set to fly to LA early the next morning. Neither party knows that both parties will be at the airport at the same time.

Scene
Bridesmaids and guest are waiting to board their 8:55AM Southwest flight from Reno to LA. All flights going from Reno to LA are completely booked for the day, as everyone is leaving Reno after the Hot August Nights Classic Car Convention.

Bridesmaid #2 spots a veil on the back of an Asian girl at the nearby Delta terminal, and asks Bridesmaid #1, "Is that Mrs. Bride over there?"

Bridesmaid #1: "No, of course not! What would Mrs. Bride be doing at the airport all dressed up in her wedding gown and veil? No."

Bridesmaid #2: But it really looks like her.

Bridesmaid #1: Yeah, it does sort of look like her.

Mrs. Bride turns her head a bit, showing her profile and confirming that she is Mrs. Bride! Bridesmaid #2 runs over to Mrs. Bride to say hi, and Bridesmaid #1 stays behind to watch the luggage and save their place in line.

Bridesmaid #1 watches as Bridesmaid #2 and Mrs. Bride hug. Mrs. Bride starts crying uncontrollably. The honeymoon was booked incorrectly. Since there are no direct flights to ANYWHERE out of Reno, the honeymoon was booked to fly from Reno to LA and then from LA to Tahiti. The Reno-LA leg was accidentally booked for the day before.

With all of the flights out of Reno to LA being overbooked, Mr. & Mrs. Bride give up hope of catching their Tahiti flight for the honeymoon...until she runs into two bridesmaids and guest who all have the necessary tickets to get to LA.

Frazzled honeymooners, bridesmaids and guest proceed to transfer their tickets. Mrs. Bride checks that 2 Bridesmaids and guest are ok to leave Reno the next day. Mrs. Bride thinks to book a rental car for Bridesmaids and guest.

The flight is halfway boarded when two random people don't show up for their flight, opening up the two seats necessary for Mr. & Mrs. Bride to get to LA. Tickets no longer need to be transferred, everyone gets a seat, and they all live happily ever after.