Getting Ready to Move
I'm moving at the end of the month which is why it's been really busy and hectic for a while. There's a lot of work and headaches involved in a move which is why I try not to do it too often, but I find myself moving about once every couple of years. Hopefully, this one will be more permanent. Maybe it'll last for 5 years. But anyway, here is all of the crap I've had to deal with for this move.
1) Furniture shopping:
I knew I wouldn't be living in Manhattan forever, so I purposely requested that our furniture be from IKEA and not too expensive so that when the day came to move, we could just dump everything, rather than have to transport it wherever we end up. We spent the last couple of weeks trying to get good deals on nice furniture, and ended up with some nice dining table chairs on sale at Pier One, a heavily discounted brand new high quality matress from Sleepy's (we just happened to walk in at the right time when the manager was itching to make a deal), and a moderatly priced huge, huge couch. We're now looking for a dining table and a coffee table. I'm so in love with the Noguchi table, but it's $1200. I guess I'll have to settle for a repro.
Of course, buying all this furniture isn't all fun and games, especially when you get dishonest salespeople who will do anything to push a sale:
Setting: Jennifer Convertible in White Plains
Fiancee: Hey, I really like this couch and chaise, and it's on sale, but it's still a bit pricey.
LANYTransplant: It's nice. Ask the sales lady how long the sale prices are good for.
Fiancee: Miss, how long are these prices good for?
Shady Lady: It's a fourth of July sale, so it ends today. If you want that price, you need to buy it today.
Fiancee: I went to a JC in Manhattan, and they told me that the sale prices are good through the weekend.
Shady Lady: Nope. If you don't buy it today, you'll have to pay a lot more tomorrow.
Meanwhile, the Fiancee called the JC in Manhattan who told him that all sale prices are good through the weekend everywhere.
The difference between a man and a woman:
Fiancee: I hate how girls think that just because they're pretty they can get away with shit like that.
LANYTransplant: She's not pretty. She's just a bitch.
2) Showing our apt to prospective new tenants:
Prospective couple: Wow, this is a really cute place. You guys have kept it so well that your hardwood floors are still shiny with very few scratches! I've looked at a lot of places, and the floors are all dirty and dull and totally scratched. Can you believe one of the places I looked at had these floors that sloped down, weren't even level, and were asking for like $1500 in rent? The broker was like, it adds character! Character?! No, the floor's all slanted.
Hmmm...I saw the ad for our place on Craigslist, so I know the landlord is asking for $1498. This girl obviously has no idea that she's standing on some severly slanted floors. Funny that she never questioned the mosquito net hanging over our bed, but then again she probably has no idea what it is. Should I tell her about any of this?
Prospective couple: Oh, and if we get this place, we're interested in buying most of your furniture.
Nope, I'll keep quiet. It adds character.
3) Getting rid of my gym membership.
Signing up for a gym is always pleasant. They give you a nice tour, ask you to try the place out for a couple of days free, and answer all of your questions until you're satisfied. Now cancelling or trying to transfer a gym membership is a completely different story.
LANYTransplant: Hello, NYSC. My contract isn't up yet, but I don't need a membership anymore and want to discuss if there's anything I can do.
NYSC Jack@$$ (sounding tired and exasperated): No, there's nothing you can do. Ride your contract out.
LANYTransplant: Nothing at all?
NYSC Jack@$$: You can only get out of it if you quit your job, have no gym within 25 miles of your home, or you have a medical condition.
LANYTransplant: Can I transfer my membership to someone?
NYSC Jack@$$ (sounding really annoyed): No.
LANYTransplant: Then why does it say in my contract, "I understand that my contract is transferrable?"
NYSC Jack@$$: Alright, I'll look into it for you.
Several extremely annoying conversations later, I managed to supposedly get my contract cancelled penalty free.
1) Furniture shopping:
I knew I wouldn't be living in Manhattan forever, so I purposely requested that our furniture be from IKEA and not too expensive so that when the day came to move, we could just dump everything, rather than have to transport it wherever we end up. We spent the last couple of weeks trying to get good deals on nice furniture, and ended up with some nice dining table chairs on sale at Pier One, a heavily discounted brand new high quality matress from Sleepy's (we just happened to walk in at the right time when the manager was itching to make a deal), and a moderatly priced huge, huge couch. We're now looking for a dining table and a coffee table. I'm so in love with the Noguchi table, but it's $1200. I guess I'll have to settle for a repro.
Of course, buying all this furniture isn't all fun and games, especially when you get dishonest salespeople who will do anything to push a sale:
Setting: Jennifer Convertible in White Plains
Fiancee: Hey, I really like this couch and chaise, and it's on sale, but it's still a bit pricey.
LANYTransplant: It's nice. Ask the sales lady how long the sale prices are good for.
Fiancee: Miss, how long are these prices good for?
Shady Lady: It's a fourth of July sale, so it ends today. If you want that price, you need to buy it today.
Fiancee: I went to a JC in Manhattan, and they told me that the sale prices are good through the weekend.
Shady Lady: Nope. If you don't buy it today, you'll have to pay a lot more tomorrow.
Meanwhile, the Fiancee called the JC in Manhattan who told him that all sale prices are good through the weekend everywhere.
The difference between a man and a woman:
Fiancee: I hate how girls think that just because they're pretty they can get away with shit like that.
LANYTransplant: She's not pretty. She's just a bitch.
2) Showing our apt to prospective new tenants:
Prospective couple: Wow, this is a really cute place. You guys have kept it so well that your hardwood floors are still shiny with very few scratches! I've looked at a lot of places, and the floors are all dirty and dull and totally scratched. Can you believe one of the places I looked at had these floors that sloped down, weren't even level, and were asking for like $1500 in rent? The broker was like, it adds character! Character?! No, the floor's all slanted.
Hmmm...I saw the ad for our place on Craigslist, so I know the landlord is asking for $1498. This girl obviously has no idea that she's standing on some severly slanted floors. Funny that she never questioned the mosquito net hanging over our bed, but then again she probably has no idea what it is. Should I tell her about any of this?
Prospective couple: Oh, and if we get this place, we're interested in buying most of your furniture.
Nope, I'll keep quiet. It adds character.
3) Getting rid of my gym membership.
Signing up for a gym is always pleasant. They give you a nice tour, ask you to try the place out for a couple of days free, and answer all of your questions until you're satisfied. Now cancelling or trying to transfer a gym membership is a completely different story.
LANYTransplant: Hello, NYSC. My contract isn't up yet, but I don't need a membership anymore and want to discuss if there's anything I can do.
NYSC Jack@$$ (sounding tired and exasperated): No, there's nothing you can do. Ride your contract out.
LANYTransplant: Nothing at all?
NYSC Jack@$$: You can only get out of it if you quit your job, have no gym within 25 miles of your home, or you have a medical condition.
LANYTransplant: Can I transfer my membership to someone?
NYSC Jack@$$ (sounding really annoyed): No.
LANYTransplant: Then why does it say in my contract, "I understand that my contract is transferrable?"
NYSC Jack@$$: Alright, I'll look into it for you.
Several extremely annoying conversations later, I managed to supposedly get my contract cancelled penalty free.
posted by LANYTransplant at 4:56 PM
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