Like a Fish Out of Water

A little more than a month ago, I signed up for swim lessons at my gym. Why? Because I'm 2x years old, grew up with a pool in my backyard (which gradually became a fish pond), and I still don't know how to swim. With these simple steps, I finally took action after telling myself year after year that I would learn how to swim.

Step 1: Sign up for class.

Ring! Ring!

NYSC receptionist: Hello, New York Sports Club.
Lanytransplant: Hi, I'd like to sign up for your spring session beginner swim group.
NYSC receptionist: Sure! Name and age of your child, please.
Lanytransplant: Child? But, I don't have a child.
NYSC receptionist: Who are these lessons for?
Lanytransplant: You advertised an adult beginner swim group, so they're for me.
NYSC receptionist: Ok, let me transfer you.

Blah, blah, blah. I'm signed up for Tuesday evening classes.

Step 2: Show up for the weekly classes.

Tuesday evenings, 7PM

Class 1: There's only one other adult in the class with me. I'm excited, as this is practically a private swim lesson now.
Agenda: Kick while holding onto the wall, learn to blow bubbles in the water, do laps with a kickboard.
Class 2:
Agenda: Laps with a kickboard, learn to stroke and breathe in the water with a flotation device. Instructor tries to coax me into letting go of the flotation device. I refuse. I need it! It's only been two lessons. Is he crazy?!!
Class 3: A new girl joins. See, there are a sizeable number of adults that don't know how to swim.
Agenda: More practice stroking and breathing in the water with a flotation device. I refuse to give up the flotation device again.
Class 4: New girl swims without any flotation aids on her second lesson. Her second lesson!! The competitive spirit in me comes out, and with this, I toss the flotation device over my head. I'm swimming today! Deep breath, deep breath, and I'm off. Head in the water, arms stroking. Blow bubbles while under water, turn head to the right and breathe. Doing good! Blow bubbles under water, turn head to the right and, oops!, missed the breath. Breathing in water now, not getting any air. Breathing in more water. Crap! Water in the lungs! Water in the lungs! And I've lost the rythym. Gurgle, gurlge, gurlge, ahah!, ahah!, ahah! No go.
Class 5:
Agenda: More practice swimming and trying not to choke. Learning to swim on my back with a flotation device.

Step 3: Practice on the weekends.

The pool's usually crowded on the weekend no matter what time I go. With only four lanes in this tiny pool, it's very common for two people to share a lane. Consistently being the worst and least experienced swimmer, I'm always very intimidated during my weekend practices.

I feel sorry for anyone who shares the lane with me because I'm slow and I can't always swim in a straight line. I collided with a girl once. Good thing I wasn't moving too fast.

I'm also pretty dependent upon being next to a wall so that I'll have something stable to grab onto when I choke. The lane dividers are too sensitive to waves, so they're not the best things for a beginner to grab onto. Unfortunately, I have to take whatever lane I can get.

Last weekend, I finally felt comfortable giving up my kickboard and wanted to practice my freestyle swim. But the only half open lane was a middle lane. Too scared to swim without a wall as my security blanket, I grabbed a kickboard and decided to warm up in the middle lane while monitoring the side wall lanes for openings. About 15 minutes later, a side wall lane opened up.

Excited, I jumped out of the water right as a guy walked over to swim in the open side lane. As he stood outside his side wall lane, I stood outside my middle lane, debating whether or not I should ask him to switch lanes. How else would I get a chance to practice comfortably without a kickboard? Lost in thought, I had no idea that I was staring at him the whole time I was debating on what to do. The guy looked over at me, gave me a strange look and nodded his head up at me.

He thinks I'm checking him out! Oh, get over yourself already! I don't want you! I want your lane!

I wanted to throw my kickboard at him, but I needed it. Too embarrassed now to try to switch lanes, I hopped back into my middle lane and splashed about with my kickboard. Eventually, the other side lane half opened up, and I ducked under the dividers to claim my wall. Now I could practice my freestyle!